HALFWAY THERE (and celebrating D)!

Yesterday marked radiation treatment number 11 of 21, so I was officially halfway through this part of the cancer journey - what a GREAT feeling!

I asked the two techs to pose for a commemorative selfie and they were happy to. 

Monday was another great day - D was completely finished with her treatments and got to ring the bell! She had me film it live on facebook and many of her friends tuned in.

Again, there weren't any dry eyes around.

We exchanged some presents neither one knew about and then she walked out of there.

I have missed her the past couple of days and hope we can get together someplace WAY MORE FUN soon.

I'm feeling physically fine. My skin is starting to get a little pink/tender and I'm beginning to feel the fatigue from the build-up of radiation, but I see the oncologist weekly now and he maintains these are both completely normal side effects even though I'm religiously applying all the recommended creams.

Mentally, things are just okay. I felt better for a bit once surgery was done and treatment was in place, but it's now been over 3 months of thinking constantly about cancer and that wears on a person. It's a definite trip on the struggle bus. COVID complications don't help - OMG how I would LOVE to just run away from here on some fabulous vacation, but that's nearly impossible at this point.

And speaking of transportation, the drive is getting very monotonous - I leave at 6:30 every morning to fight fog and crazy drivers. 

But, if there are no traffic tie-ups, I get time to hang by the Marissa Memorial Fountain for a bit to play Harry Potter Wizards Unite before trekking into the radiation wing.

As of the moment I write this, I've got only 9 more sessions to get through. Here's to hanging in there.

First Radiation Treatment!

This morning, I experienced the first dose of daily radiation therapy. Twenty remain [sigh]. Truth be told, it wasn't bad at all. You know what's bad? The insane drivers on I20 and I26, that's what. Holy mackerel. YOU SHOULD HAVE LEFT EARLIER, LOSERS! AND STOP TEXTING WHILE DRIVING!

Anyway, let's talk about yesterday, when I attended my final mapping appointment. I laid on the table with a bolster under my knees and my arms above my head while three sweet techs slid me around on a sheet, drew all over me with a permanent marker, put stickers on me, and made me hold my breath for 30 seconds a few times. Weird. It was a rehearsal of sorts for today, where they wanted everything to be perfectly aligned so they treat the correct area. This makes me happy. 

Today, I scanned my card, walked into the locker room, got changed, and sat down in the radiation waiting area. It was there where I met D! She is halfway through her treatments. We chatted and compared notes while adorning our super sexy radiation smocks, learning that our cancer stories are very similar. 

After a few minutes, in bopped V, whose last day of TWENTY EIGHT treatments was TODAY. She and D had become close. We were instant buddies (in one of the worst clubs). The techs came to get D and me and we asked if we could wait a few minutes more so we could see V ring the bell, signaling the end of her treatment. They happily obliged.

Here are D, me, and V right before the bell ceremony.

Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, cried when she rang that thing. I know it is not as big a deal as the chemo bell (and shouldn't be, either!) but was so surprisingly emotional. It was very cool for me to be among women in the middle and very ends of their treatments on my first day. 

Soon after V left, it was my turn for treatment. Here are the techs setting up my arm holders.

I like this photo because you can see the beautiful seascape image patients get to admire while lying on the table. I get to look at it for a little bit, but then have to turn my head to the right and up a little to help protect that part of my body from the beams.

Before my session began, my oncologist came in to triple-check that everything was arranged as it should be. During the treatment, I looked at a very small computer screen with bars that aligned when I had taken a deep enough breath, signaling me to hold it. The techs came over the intercom system each time to help coach me along. It was easy and I only had to do it four times. It took 5-10 minutes total. With radiation, you don't feel anything. All that happens is the machine whirls slowly around your head and makes a tiny bit of noise when they are firing the beams. It is very open and is NOTHING like the obnoxiously loud claustrophobia chamber that is an MRI machine.

DONE! 1 down, 20 to go.

Fighting the Mountain Lion

 

A friend shared the following piece of brilliant writing with me. It was posted in the Cancer Survivors Network on the American Cancer Society's website. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to find out who the author is.

I love it very much, as the perfect metaphor for so many of my recent frustrations.

_____________________________________________

In case you've ever wondered...

"What's it like to go through cancer treatment?" It's something like this: one day, you're minding your own business, you open the fridge to get some breakfast, and OH MY GOD THERE'S A MOUNTAIN LION IN YOUR FRIDGE!

Wait, what? How? Why is there a mountain lion in your fridge? NO TIME TO EXPLAIN. RUN! THE MOUNTAIN LION WILL KILL YOU, UNLESS YOU FIND SOMETHING EVEN MORE FEROCIOUS TO KILL IT FIRST!

So, you take off running, and the mountain lion is right behind you. You know the only thing that can kill a mountain lion is a bear, and the only bear is on top of a mountain, so you had better find that bear. You start running up the mountain in hopes of finding the bear. Your friends desperately want to help, but they are powerless against mountain lions, as mountain lions are godless killing machines. But they really want to help, so they're cheering you on and bringing you paper cups of water and orange slices as you run up the mountain and yelling at the mountain lion, "GET LOST, MOUNTAIN LION, NO ONE LIKES YOU." And you really appreciate the support, but the mountain lion is still coming. 

Also, for some reason, there's someone in the crowd who's yelling, "THAT'S NOT REALLY A MOUNTAIN LION. IT'S A PUMA!" and another person yelling, "I READ THAT MOUNTAIN LIONS ARE ALLERGIC TO KALE! HAVE YOU TRIED RUBBING KALE ON IT?"

As you're running up the mountain, you see other people fleeing their own mountain lions. Some of the mountain lions seem comparatively wimpy - they're half grown and only have three legs or whatever - and you think to yourself, "Why couldn't I have gotten one of THOSE mountain lions?" But then you look over at the people who are fleeing mountain lions the size of a monster truck with huge prehistoric saber fangs, and you feel like an ******* for even thinking that. And besides, who in their right mind would want to fight a mountain lion, even a three-legged one?

Finally, the person closest to you, whose job it is to take care of you - maybe a parent or sibling or best friend or, in my case, my husband - comes barging out of the woods and jumps on the mountain lion, whaling on it and screaming, "DAMN IT MOUNTAIN LION, STOP TRYING TO EAT MY WIFE!" and the mountain lion punches your husband right in the face. Now your husband (or whatever) is rolling around on the ground, clutching his nose, and he's bought you some time, but you still need to get to the top of the mountain.

Eventually, you reach the top, finally, and the bear is there. Waiting. For both of you. You rush right up to the bear, and the bear rushes to the mountain lion, but the bear has to go through YOU to get to the mountain lion, and in doing so, the bear TOTALLY KICKS YOUR ***, but not before it also punches your husband in the face. And your husband is now staggering around with a black eye and a bloody nose, and saying "Can I get some help? I've been punched in the face by two apex predators and I think my nose is broken," and all you can say is "I'M KIND OF BUSY... IN CASE YOU HADN'T NOTICED, I'M FIGHTING A MOUNTAIN LION."

Then, IF YOU ARE LUCKY, the bear leaps on the mountain lion and they are locked in an epic battle until, finally, the two of them roll off a cliff edge together, and the mountain lion is dead.

Maybe.

You're not sure - it fell off the cliff, but mountain lions are crafty. It could come back at any moment.

And all your friends come running up to you and say, "That was amazing! You're so brave! We're so proud of you! You didn't die! That must be a huge relief!"

Meanwhile, you blew both your knees, you're having an asthma attack, you twisted your ankle, and also, you have been mauled by a bear. And everyone says, "Boy, you must be excited to walk down that mountain!"

And all you can think as you stagger to your feet is "**** this mountain. I never wanted to climb it in the first place."